Lost in the Shadows
“All in due time, the shadows will give way to light” (D’Antonio et al, 2013)
Over the past year, I had a lot of conversations with a friend at work about everything related to strength training, health, and fitness. Many of these talks spurred on for longer than they should have. We talked a lot about hitting legs. The last time we spoke I showed him my halo squat setup, which made him so excited he attempted to invite himself to my home to train with me. A minor overstep at the time and something to laugh about later, but now I sit here missing the bond with my brother of the iron.
I love talking training and I’m easily sucked into deep dives, so these conversations always ended up being a good time, but I didn’t appreciate that time as much as I should have. It’s eerie now to think back to the discussions about the amount of death we have been seeing in bodybuilding and concerns over the lifestyle. These competitors, anatomical sculptors, and larger-than-life figures who carried with them the valor of a warrior and power of superhero come to see their walls collapse. Attempting to understand one’s mindset and motivation to take things to a certain level is not productive. Remember the moments of joy and the impact they had on you. This individual that I formed a strong connection with ended up passing on in a really sad and horrible way.
The point of this piece is not to hash out those details. My narrative relates to the strength that resides in the relationship between people who are passionate about working hard to improve themselves. “Passion trumps everything” and truly finding that passion keeps the darkness at bay (Tate, 2015). We lost some other great people in the strength community recently who I was not as well acquainted with, but I still feel the loss. It’s painful to see those leave us who had such a powerful impact.
My passion for training feels endless at times. I would likely see more rapid growth in my following if I wrote more pieces with catchy titles and wild claims. Instead of an article about motivation for your next workout, I write about demons and hooded figures in the dark. Instead of information about adding 25lbs to every lift in 3 weeks, I write about the long-term journey and improving headspace and perspective. This is where life has led me at the moment. My battles with adversity and tragedy make me think that others may benefit from reading this. My desire to not see another friend lose their way gives me a sense of urgency to get this published in a way that other content doesn’t. I have a pressing need to let anyone who is willing to read this know, they are not the only one fighting.
Many of us are not soldiers bleeding on a battlefield, but we fight in battles nonetheless. Drifting further into the void is the way we find peace. Venturing into the darkness is the path to truly finding the light. Avoidance gets you nowhere fast. A special bond forms for those of us who journey to that place. It will never solve all of life’s problems, but it unlocks the ability to push with grit and tenacity that you didn’t know you had. Here you have the potential to continue pushing limits that you didn’t know existed. Here you find peace and a will to keep fighting. So while I mourn my fallen brothers and sisters, I’ll be here, pushing forward. I’ll be here, bleeding in the darkness. I’ll be here, lost in the shadows, fighting my way back to the light.
References
D’Antonio, M. et al (2013) In Due Time (Killswitch Engage) Disarm the Descent (Album) Roadrunner Records
Tate, D. (2015, September 16) Into the void - EXTENDED VERSION (explicit)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Om-i9D0qeRo